The more I write, the clearer I feel. Meanwhile, the more I added, the more fears I got. I have realized a deep fear behind, not in the writing itself, but in what inspired such a system.
I have come into a period where I have to legitimize and authorize my actions for a long time, which means, before almost every action, I repeatedly examine if I can bear with the action. If I can, then I allow myself to do it. The reason is very simple: I have a deep fear, and the result of such a fear is unbearable again.
In other words, I designed a rational process for risk possibility, like Quantitative Funds, in which humans use visible numbers to reduce the uncertainty and stabilize the rationality. They allow the risk investment, and they like it even though they know the risks, but they design a quantitative system to help them reduce the risk.
Similarly, here is the logic to build the reasonability. And from recent further writing, I have realized that I started to introduce mathematics to prove logic, under economic theory.
I believe that with more writing by updating, under the methodology from ancient philosophy and economics, I will build a practical and complicated rational system to process emotions.
But I have to stop. The flow of thoughts, liking the flow of emotion, if there is no rational interruption, it will keep flowing. Since I have a limitation, I have to allot my capacity to real work to win more time for such idealistic things.
The system is enough for the logistics support. I have to believe that I won’t fall again to a status where I am unable to stand up. Currently, what I need to do is take action, and I have to take action without permission from myself. It is more important than any risk control. Otherwise, it’s an excuse for me to take a longer rest. I really have to do something real to make progress.
The joy of life lies in its uncertainty. Embark on an adventure with the updated abilities and equipment.