Romantic love is the most challenging thing in the world. If one just wants to be rich, there are numerous existing templates on how to achieve wealth; if one just wants to realize their profession, every small effort returns and stimulates further progress; if one just wants power, there are many occasions for them to “enjoy”. Every desire will be returned by efforts, except romantic love. No one knows what will happen if you invest in it.
Romantic love is different from love in relationships where lots of people need others to fulfill their needs. A need that one is unable to face by themselves. In romantic love, one will see how fragile they are. It should not be a problem, but due to societal consensus, only strong people can survive. It’s a social problem that doesn’t allow people to be vulnerable. Which, inevitably, leads to another social consensus that any fragile emotion triggered by love is a failure on one's part.
There is a truth that romantic love will bring people happiness. A unique happiness from the bottom of the heart that is unreplaced by any other things. When one gets wealth, there is happiness; when one goes through difficulties, there is happiness; when one gets their dreams come true, there is happiness; when one is inspired by new things, there is happiness; when one does something by themselves, there is happiness. There is a lot of happiness in the world. However, the happiness from romantic love is the only one that is long-lasting in memory. Because when the capacity for happiness from other achievements is expanded, the later achievements won’t bring the same or higher happiness. Maybe such a deep longing for romantic love is a DNA in human beings.
Love is like watering. Enough watering stimulates plant growth, while a lack of or excessive watering can cause plants to die. Then, how much is enough? It’s a challenge, because the one you love at present is a variable; the only reference is your experience, which means that love is an absolute empirical research, based on “failures” one by one, within the same people, or with different people, over time.
Followed by, there is a vitally important but easily ignored issue: how much water can you afford? Here we come to a most challenging point, where the scary will be. It’s all about limitation. Borrowed from economics, a very basic principle, when expenses exceed savings, it’s a debt. If one continues, what will support debt is everything you have in your life; it might be wealth or health.
When desire exceeds limitation, to keep yourself full, lower the desire, or expand the limitation. What makes them different is that the changing object is different.
For the one who lowers their desire, it will be transferred to another person, either in a short time or a long time. They won’t realize their own problem — their limitation is not enough to afford what they want. Then, it will easily lead to repetitive unrequited love, or a sense of repetitive emptiness in relationships.
For the latter, only a rare few will choose to expand the limitation, which means to improve themselves, requiring bearing more huge pain on themselves, to grow. This road doesn’t mean that they are continuing with the same people, but it means that they don’t compromise their beliefs in love. However, if the other person holds the same belief and action, then there is a rare true love.
No matter what one chooses, inner conflicts are everywhere. However, as long as one accepts the choice, they will be satisfied in general, which is a rare case. Mostly, there are several conflicts that easily happen.
On “how much is enough to water”, there is a trap. The line is almost invisible, and it can only be estimated through repeated conflicts. On “how much you can afford”, there is another trap. The line is also invisible, and it can only be sensed by a severe clash. It’s like drunk. Only when one has experienced a complete drunk does one know where their limitation is.
To this point, a “failure” is not something bad. The horrible thing is that if one constantly escapes to see themselves, blaming others for the problem, then the sense of imbalance will ultimately kill them. No matter what kind of conflicts, there is a fact that everyone has their own problems, which means mutual triggering.
However, if they are capable of seeing themselves, then another magic of love happens — when the one accepts what reflects from the mirror, and inner seeking, they have the ability that is stimulated by love to overcome those.